The Two Shall Become One Flesh

Ephesians 5:21-33 On June 26, 2015 The United States Supreme Court ruled that state bans on same sex marriage were unconstitutional—effectively making homosexual marriage the law of the land.  In doing so they ignored thousands of years of human history.  They turned their backs on the western Christian tradition of those who founded our nation.  And they rejected the God of creation who wrote natural law into the fabric of creation and moral law into every human heart.  They are like the people of Isaiah’s day:

You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!  Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, “You did not make me”? Can the pot say to the potter, “You know nothing”?

That is exactly what has happened in our country regarding marriage—it has been turned upside down by people who do not understand that they are the clay and God is the Potter who formed them.

For as much as we are appalled and outraged and heartsick at the decision of the Supreme Court, their decision is simply a reflection of- and result of- what has been going on in our culture and country (and even within the church) for decades.

Since 1970 the marriage rate has declined by 60%.  The divorce rate is twice as high as it was in 1960.  17 times more couples are living together than in 1960.  Half of new marriages entered into today will end in divorce.  And almost half—48% percent-- of births are to unwed mothers.  We may be appalled and outraged and heartsick at the decision of the Supreme Court-- but we should not be surprised.

And so what is the solution to what ails us as a country and culture and church when it comes to marriage?  How can we have better marriages that will stand the test of time and be a blessing to those around us?  What example can we lift up to our children as what they ought to hope for when it comes to marriage? 

What is needed is a renewed commitment to follow the model for Christian marriage that we have before us in God’s Word.  The Bible says:  Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Here’s the thing…

            The heart of Christian marriage—the very center of our lives as husbands and wives is not the love we have for one another—but the relationship we have with Jesus.  His work for us-- that makes us Christians, and enables us to be better husbands and wives, is found throughout these verses.  The Bible says that… 

Jesus saved us from our sins on the cross—laying aside his divine dignity and honor out of love for us.  He washed away our sins in Holy Baptism.  He made us members of his body so that we are united to him.  He nourishes our faith with his own body and blood.  And he is working in our lives every day to bring us to heaven.

This is what Christ has done for us and we respond to him with reverence.  It is out of reverence for Christ that we submit to one another in marriage—not just because of our love for one another.  We submit to one another as husband and wife because of who we are in Christ. 

Now, what does it mean to submit?  It means that we recognize that God has established a particular order in marriage and family-- and as husbands and wives and parents and children we gladly take our particular place in that order out of reverence for Christ.  The Bible says:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

            God is a God of order.  There is a God-given order in creation.  There is a God-given order in the church.  There is a God-given order in society.  And there is a God-given order in marriage for the husband and the wife. 

This God-given order is not the product of an ancient, repressive culture.  It goes all the way back to the creation of marriage in the Garden of Eden.  Adam was created first.  He was the one who named Eve.  She was given to Adam by God as a helper fit for him.  This order has nothing to do with the fall into sin—it predates it—and it is God’s enduring will for marriage.

Christian wives, out of reverence for Christ, are called upon to confess their belief in God’s “order and design” by submitting to their husbands as the head of their marriage just as the church recognizes that Christ is its head and submits to him.

This submission is based upon love-- not fear.  We do not fear Christ-- but serve him in glad obedience on account of his great love for us.  So, wives are called by God to show their faith in Jesus by respecting their husbands and submitting in everything. 

Now, what does the Bible mean by that word “everything”?  It means everything pertaining to their lives as husbands and wives.  A husband may not demand that his wife sin or to tell her to abandon her faith.  She does not have to submit to anything that is degrading or demeaning or that diminishes her as a child of God.

Neither does it mean that the husband will make all the decisions.  Just as in the church where there are many, many things left free to us as Christians, so the wise Christian husband will give his wife wide latitude in how their home operates and how their children are raised and how their money is spent.

But at the end of the day, the husband is the head of the wife and he is the one who sets the tone and direction for the marriage in a Christ-like way.  The Bible says:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

            Husbands also need to recognize that there is an order that God has established in marriage and submit to their place in out of reverence for Christ by loving their wives like Christ loved the church. 

And how did Jesus do that?  Was he bossy and high-handed?  No!  Did he demoralize us and beat us down?  No!  Did he keep us at arm’s length?  No!  He loved us and laid down his life for us on the cross. He sacrificed everything for us.  He took us into his confidence and trusted us with his mission.

The husband is to put his wife’s welfare above all other earthly priorities.  He is to lift her up and encourage her.  He is to share his heart with her and trust her with all that is important to him.  His life is to be given in service to her welfare in time and eternity. 

The love of Christ for the church is especially directed towards our eternal welfare.  Christ has done everything for our eternal salvation and this too is the Christian husband’s first priority when it comes to his wife.

He is the one responsible for her spiritual well-being—seeing to it that family devotions are held and that time is made for church and Christian giving is a priority and that nothing he says or does tears down, or undermines his wife’s faith in Jesus.  The husband’s life is to be lived so that his wife grows closer to Christ and deeper in her faith. 

He does this because he and his wife are united together as one flesh in God’s sight and what he does to bless her is also a blessing for himself.  The Bible says:

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 

            Every time Christ and his apostles taught on marriage, they turned to this verse written by Moses in Genesis:  that marriage is the one flesh life-time union between one man and one woman.  Jesus used it when the Pharisees asked him about divorce.  Paul used it here to remind us what marriage is and how we are to live as husbands and wives.  This verse from Genesis is God’s institution of marriage and it does not change. 

Cultural values may evolve and a nation’s laws may change --but the creative purpose and plan of God cannot change:  one man and one woman joined to one another in life-long marriage become one flesh and produce the fruit of their love in the children they conceive and bear. 

When God’s Word and will are simply accepted, all questions about living together- and divorce- and the purpose of sexuality- and the possibility of homosexual “marriage” -simply fall by the wayside. 

For Christians, there is even more.  The one flesh union of a man and woman in lifetime marriage not only goes back to creation, it is emblematic of Christ and the church.  Just as we are members of Christ, united in his body, the church—so husband and wife are one body. 

And just as Christ cares for his body the church by feeding it with the bread of life -and clothing it with his righteousness- and holding it close to his heart- so the husband is to care for the needs of his wife and cherish her as his bride—demonstrating in their marriage the love that exists between Christ and the church.  The Bible says:

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

            When Christian husbands love their wives- and when Christian wives respect their husbands -they are not only bearing witness to their love for one another --and they are not only living out the Creator’s command to be fruitful and multiply-- they are revealing a great mystery:  the love that exists between Christ and the church. 

That is why our lives together as husbands and wives can never be merely a private arrangement between two consenting adults as society would have us believe.  Instead, marriage is a sacred vocation for the sake of our Christian witness to the world. 

God intends that those around us would learn something about Christ and his church as they view the love and respect that exists in our marriages.

We cannot cure all of society’s ills when it comes to marriage-- but what we can do, by God’s grace and help, is to begin today showing our reverence for Christ by how we live in our marriages:  Christian husbands loving their wives and Christian wives respecting their husbands.  Amen.